F. A. Q. for a Squeezagram
(Singing Telegrams by the
Squeezebox Hero)


What exactly is a Squeezagram/Singing Telegram & how long will the telegram last?

What if I want him to perform a longer concert, like an hour Oktoberfest party?

Who is the Squeezebox Hero/Polkadot Wizard?

How does a Squeezebox Hero "Squeezagram" differ from other singing telegrams?

What kind of costumes or outfits does he perform in?

Can I tip him afterwards if I hear he does a really super, extra special telegram?

Only $99 for a Singing Telegram in local area! How much for elsewhere?

Will he perform ANYWHERE?

Can he bring any other extras, like flowers, birthday cake, or a card?

Can I trust paying for this over the internet?

Can I pay with cash?

Where can his singing telegrams be performed?

If you don't see your question here, just email or call him !

 

. Answers below .

 

 

What is a Squeezagram and how long will it last?

This zany accordionist will blast into any
place* and surprise the victim (that's what we call the special someone!) with a balloon hat, songs, and CHEESE! Each telegram usually lasts between 5 and15 minutes depending on the situation, and you can specify if you want it on the shorter or longer side. Here is what typically happens:
1. He will burst into the room, give the victim the balloon hat & song booklet,
2. He will then sing the "Big Production" and/or a couple of appropriate songs to the victim
3. He'll then give the victim and others the chance to win CHEESE by guessing the song snippet he plays (he hands out a few song booklets!)
4. After taking song requests and/or playing more CHEESE songs, the Squeezebox Hero will wrap things up with a big song and/or make the victim do the Chicken Dance for everybody!
More details on what happens:
Sometimes he hands his camera out for a guest photographer to shoot some pix or small video, and always tries to get a posed photo at the end. He will then email you a link to them to share with the victim and friends.

The Squeezebox Hero is an expert at "reading" the crowd, and can bump things up or tone it down a notch. He can also do very short telegrams when needed (like if it's at a bank or quite place, or the victim is in the middle of a very important activity) - in which case the Squeezebox Hero would do just 1 or 2 very short songs, fling the cheese & song booklet, snap the photo, and then get out! Likewise, he has been known to go on as long as 30 minutes until someone brought out the "Hook"!

When you send any info on the victim to the Squeezebox Hero, he will use that to tailor the songs he plays, and can sometimes put some of it into the lyrics of a song. Just put any info or requests in the notes section of the form. All the info submitted is used for the Singing Telegram only.

Always TONS of smiles and usually some embarrassment for the victim!

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What if I want a longer concert, like an hour Oktoberfest party?
Great! Just email or call him for a price. His current special for an hour-long Oktoberfest party is only $100!

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Who is the Squeezebox Hero/Polkadot Wizard?
He is the "Cheesiest Accordionist in the Universe"! His real name is BOTIELUS, and was a founding member of "Samsonite & Delight-Ya" (The Cheesiest Show in the World!). He recently changed his stagename from the Polkadot Wizard to the Squeezebox Hero!

 

How does a Squeezebox Hero "Squeezagram" differ from other singing telegrams?
Botielus is a professional entertainer and MUSICIAN. He doesn't just walk in with a boom box and a sing a long, dorky parody. He actually plays the accordion, and performs a few bits of songs - only the good parts! He can take some of the info you give him, and tailor the song choices to the victim (and/or incorporate them into some of the song lyrics). He doesn't just perform a rehearsed, impersonal, corporate routine - he improvises at every telegram, and will "go with the flow" of the crowd and your special person!

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What kind of costumes or outfits does he perform in?
See them
HERE. Here are just a few of the costumes he can wear: Wizard (complete with deluxe, handmade cape), goofy, rainbow colored lederhosen type outfit (complete with funny socks with different colored toes), big fuzzy bear head (or is it a mouse?!), Pirate, Spongebob type, German type, Mexican mariachi, motorcyclist, beach boy (Jimmy Buffet type), formal tuxedo (black or white), and more. If you have a special outfit you'd like, just ask him!

Can I tip him afterwards if I hear he does a really super, extra special telegram?
Most certainly! Just go to his payment
page and give him whatever tip you'd like!

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Only $99 for the Las Vegas, Nevada area! What if we want him to perform elsewhere?
No problem! His current passport is good until 2010, and he travels worldwide for various other concerts. He'll gladly travel almost anywhere in the world to perform. Just contact him for a fast price quote (you'll just need to pay his expenses, and possibly a higher performance fee depending on the travel time involved). Also, be sure and check his
myspace gig calendar to see if he is already near you. Then you can possibly get a Singing Telegram for his regular price!!

Will he perform ANYWHERE?
Yes - anywhere that it is safe for an accordionist to show up and play! It is your responsibility to insure that the establishment will allow this much FUN to perform for a few minutes. This means, that if you want him to do the telegram at a stuffy, quiet public place, you might want to call there first and make sure it's ok for the Squeezebox Hero to spread his music and joy! Or if he shows up for a telegram, and there is a big sign out front saying "Accordionists Not Wanted here - Go Away!", he might decide it isn't safe enough to go through with the telegram. But don't worry, this has never actually happened yet!

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Can he bring any other extras, like flowers, birthday cake, or a card? Sure. Just ask him, and whatever is possible will be done. His Squeezagram headquarters is near a major store, so he can usually pop in for any other extras you'd like. He'd just charge the actual cost plus a small extra delivery fee. Plus he also has 2 CDs of his own "Synthstrumentals" for sale (soothing and exhilarating synthesizer instrumentals)! You can hear samples at his website:
botielus.com and add a CD onto your telegram for only an additional $10 each, or 2 for $17. Plus, you can always order an extra balloon hat or flower or two! And newest option: unique, handmade jewelry & fashion from cybelesque.com!

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Can I trust paying for this over the internet?
Absolutely! Botielus (remember, that is the real name of the Squeezebox Hero!) is part of the FUNduo entertainment and art enterprise that has been in business since 1990, with over 2,410 satisfied customers (and NO un-satisfied customers - which we know of!). Just check out his
eBay ratings!! Botielus was also a long-standing member of the American Federation of Musicians, local #99 when he lived in Portland. He uses the popular paypal to do secure credit card processing. Also, if you'd rather not use paypal for your credit card purchase, he also uses another secure processing company, just ask him! Any and all information that you send in to us will be kept completely private, and will NEVER be shared with ANYONE! Except of course for the info on the recipient that you want him to use at the telegram - but that will only be used then and there, and then safely destroyed after its intended use!

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Can I pay with cash?
Probably. If you don't have time for a check or money order to make it into his hands, or don't have a credit card to use, he might accept COD (cash on delivery, not the fish) at the actual telegram. Just ask him and see if it will be possible.

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Where can a Squeezebox Hero Singing Telegram be performed?
Almost anywhere! He has performed his singing telegrams at casinos, restaurants, hospitals, office buildings, homes, outside picnics and BBQs, factories, airports, hotels, and more. They have been for birthdays, retirement parties, welcome home and bon voyage festivities, weddings, wedding proposals, and more. He has even been hired to perform his singing telegrams to embarrass friends and coworkers just for the FUN of it!

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Remember, if you don't see your question & answer here, just email or call him !